My life is full of sadness, a sadness which dominated for long in my world. Whenever I tried to be happy and stayed in exuberant mood, sadness, angerness always struck out and overtook my only possession.
At time, I just couldn't control my mood. I argued with my family members, I punished the kids in my family badly without feeling sympathy to them, but, later, I realised, I was being brutish. I brought psychologically impairment to them. I knew, I have been suffered from depression for long. I just do all my best with the greatest effort I could to pull myself out of the situation. I long for a precious life, life without angerness, life free from stress. However, everything just a fake. In fact, I was bewildered by my fantasy. The figment of my imagination has been lying me for decades and eventually making me over obsessed of the images occurred in my mind.
To be frank, each time I shouted, and talked rudely or even punished the kids in my family, it will always end up with sadness. I feel sorry for everything, but I had no idea where to say my apology. It seems like I have to take the harsh feeling in myself without understanding by the others. No...No...No...No... I guess the only way I could do to restore the peace in myself is taking arsenic or taking any painless alternatives to end my precious life without worry.
Life of a nine months,
born without fears,
reaching to my tall age,
suffers and tears sprouted,
my hope gone despair,
knowing nothing great,
I chant, lay peacefully,
I chant, leaving everything,
for what I ever longing for...
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