OFF - COLOUR

Something wrong happen to me? I guess so, early this morning, as soon as I got up from bed, I felt extremely tired and weak joints in every part of my body. Then, I accompanied my mum to the town area for marketing. It's a routine in fact, after marketing, we decided to have breakfast at a cafe just a stone's throw away.

Suddenly, my mum came up an idea of visiting the new market town located in Stutong Tabuan, after her suggestion, I suddenly blew out and told her I didn't like going to the market area again. But, she insisted going there for a visit, I was very unhappy and drove speedily. Whilst strolling around the market, I remained silent and shown a very unhappy expression towards everyone, it seemed like people around me were all my foes! Then, I walked for few steps and refused to go on, just waiting at he entrance. My mum something in me, she just went of the market and commented me for having bad tempered.

I didn't blame my mum in fact, but just that at time I really had a very weird characteristic that other couldn't understand even myself. I think something really wrong in myself. Do I have to refer to any psychiatrist? or just let it be? I'm still a single man, as what I heard from others said most single men or women, whenever they reached to certain age but still remain alone, they might develop a weird character even not noticing by their own. But it has been very obvious from other's view that I certainly had this element. When I have very stable emotion, I will get frustrated and feel that life is meaningless or something about commit suicide even came up in my mind. I wonder what's really going on or should somebody tells me about my fault.

What did I do wrong? Should I have to suffer like this throughout my life? You know, each time I get mad at my family members, especially my mum and dad, I will feel very sorry in later day, yet I just didn't know how to express my apology to them. They are really patient enough and always bear with my strange mood. It's really a mind disturbance for me. At time, I think of going somewhere else where no one could see me, and stranded myself there for over a period of time without meeting up anyone else out there. Tell you more, even my friends around me having the same thought on me. I supposed to name myself after quirky man! Why life has to be painful yet suffering from all kind of dreadful ordeal...SAD....